Tales Of A Halfrican-American

I’m waiting on it to all make sense,
and despite my best efforts to make change
I’m not finding any cents,
just the scents of how you were here in the past tense,
and ain’t it funny how the sinner repents,
only after the offense?
This is my lament,
to illuminate who I am in the present,
the truth is, if the world lacked my presence,

it would keep on turning,
it’s a little bit concerning,
I cope by burning up this mary jane,
I mean, what can I say? I just can’t abstain,
and besides, it’s the only way that I can make it outside of my brain,
and please don’t fall for my façade, understand that I just feign,
it’s the only way that I can mask this pain,
spitting venom it’s got me amped like bane,
but I just don’t know how long I can sustain,
keeping on living like this,
got me thinking to myself “man, something’s got to give”

but does it really?
what does life owe me?
as long as I’m breathing really, who cares if I’m lonely,
the people I used to call homies,
I now wouldn’t even invite inside my home,
and me and my enemies have somehow found a way to get along,
and am I really strong?
I pride myself on being right, but have I been wrong?

I just rarely feel like I belong,
it’s hard for me.
to be accepted,
I feel for me, it’s hard to be.

Yeah….

i trace shapes on the contours of your back,
as the morning sun fills the room through the blinds tiny cracks.

sunlight hits your hair and brings out it’s blonde color,
and i know it’s not right,
but i just have to stare,
i just lie there in awe and wonder.

what have i done to be this blessed?
out of the window i see a bird singing in it’s nest,
he sings me a tune,
the soundtrack of how i fall for you.

and as our fingers interlock,
my heart shaped box is unlocked,
i’ve been looking for that key for a while.

thanks for finding it,
and reminding me,
that it doesn’t always have to be the same.
things can be different, and i guess that’s why i aim,

to make you see,
that the things of the past,
aren’t the way that things are meant to be.

you’re green eyes that are as precious as jade,
shouldn’t show such signs of jade,
and i know that in your past you’ve been betrayed,
but i want you to know you have no reason to be afraid. 

I promise i’ll keep your heart safe.

because on an ordinary day,
you provide something extra,
that’s why i give you so much effort,
because you’re so special.
extraordinary.

you’re extraordinary.

Two hearts ablaze, my minds amazed,
my minds a maze, that only you can navigate,
such comfort as we lay, enjoying each other’s embrace,
you unlock the box in which my heart was encased
as my hands fall on your waist,
our lips touch and my heart starts to race,
the instrumental section to “white” is playing and I feel like I’m in space,

I part your hair behind your ear and kiss you on your neck,
your body becks,
cause and effect,
we connect, and intersect.

It’s been a while since I’ve felt this way,
and for someone who talks a lot I have nothing to say,
I’m speechless,
I’m so high I never thought I could reach this,
you can’t teach this,
this feels too natural, it’s organic,
“the knowing” is playing now and I feel like I’m on another planet.

And as your hand makes circles around my spine,
and our legs intertwine,
I just feel fine.

Sleep overcomes us,
and I awake throughout the night,
just to smile at the fact that you lie to my right,
the morning rain falls along my window pane,
I kiss you on your forehead because my excitement just can’t be contained,
I hope that this is something that I can feel again.

I hope that this happens again.

you speak to me and i hear every word,
but i’m dying at the sound of silence,
you speak in prose in which i’ve never heard,
or maybe it’s the fact that my visions blurred,
i merely stand destroyed by your verbal violence.

searching everywhere, for something to say.
but i can’t even make a sound.
i know that in the end it will all be okay,
but i know that the day is not today.
so i’m just going to continue waiting until you come around.

should have known that you would cut me off,
let me go like i was nothing, because to you i’m nothing,
we used to make love so soft,
but now you’ve fucked me over and i feel so rough. 

should have known that you would stoop this low,
all those emotions that you had you kept hidden so far below,
and we gave it a shot, but now i know,
that you’re just somebody that i should have let go.

it seems that i’ve become addicted to feeling sadness,
or maybe i’m just insane, exposing myself to your madness,
because I know that it will never work out,
we love and we laugh, then we fight and we shout,
never truly knowing what about.

should have known that you would cut me off,
let me go like i was nothing, because to you i’m nothing,
we used to make love so soft,
but now you’ve fucked me over and i feel so rough. 

should have known that you would stoop this low,
all those emotions that you had you kept hidden so far below,
and we gave it a shot, but now i know,
that you’re just somebody that i should have let go.

i’m not surprised at how much you’ve fucked me over,
you said that you’d be here forever, but where are you now?
none of this even makes sense,
trying to make change but i don’t have any cents,
now i hear your name and i i wince,
because i know that you’re just somebody that i should have let go. 
should have known that you would cut me off,

let me go like i was nothing, because to you i’m nothing,
we used to make love so soft,
but now you’ve fucked me over and i feel so rough. 

should have known that you would stoop this low,
all those emotions that you had you kept hidden so far below,
and we gave it a shot, but now i know,

that you’re just somebody that i should have let go. 

how does one prepare for life?
how do you prepare for loss?
can you plan for strife?
can you plan for the costs?

physics.

do you feel yourself gaining speed?
whatever’s going to stop you is going to have to be big.

am i weird for being afraid of travelling too fast?
it’s not that i’m afraid of speed, i’m just afraid of the impending crash.
there always is one.

when you begin to get complacent,
is when shit really starts changin’
that’s why i’m never really too comfortable.

if there was a warranty on love would it make it easier to cope with?
if when things went south,
you could just turn in those feelings and get someone brand new to elope with?

everything seems etched in stone,
and that simply wrecks my bones.

coming to terms as i’m learning new vocabulary,
going against the constabulary,
but i won’t go down without a fight.

you know that i’m right,
i’m unsure if you’re wrong,
i’m not trying to fight,
you just tend to be the basis for all of these songs.

fallen muse,
will you accept this truce? 

and that’s because it is,
got me feeling like i’m higher than wiz,
got me feeling like i’ll never get higher than this,
since i laid eyes on you my life has been bliss,
and i’d be remiss if i didn’t say that i miss,

you, even though we’ve only met once,
but baby when i know, i know and you quite frankly are a bunce.

seriously, look it up,
my life, you shook it up,
strangers a week ago, and now look at us,
explain it in words, look i must,

try to detail,
the way that you prevail,
over any woman who could ever try to derail,
i just can’t imagine any dimension in which we fail,
will we be together in the future, well i think we will,
but then again,
who knows what the future holds?
I just hope that in my future you’re the one i hold.